is there a way out?

5 preguntas. cada una con partes A, B, C, D. Son las 2:29 de la mañana. Anoche dormi 4 horas, al máximo, terminando otra tarea. espero me haya ido bien en esa... ahora voy por la parte B de la pregunta 2, y salte la C y la D de la 1. I don't really get this, it doesn't make sense to me. encima, lo deje pa ultima hora full... alone, no one to help. aqui no te "prestan" la tarea. ni siquiera te la dejan ver. los estudiantes no se saludan en los pasillos. las estudiantes tampoco. a las 9:00pm eché un dolar con 20 en la maquina y me comi unas pringles de tente-ahí, pensando que ya iba a acabar. el programa de la mierda que tengo que usar para hacer la tarea, el SAS 9.3, no aparece pirateado por parte. si aparece, no esta completo. cuesta un cajón de cuartos. si salgo de este edificio despues de las 6, no puedo volver a entrar. son 6 cds de instalacion. francamente no sé si después de esta clase vaya a usar el programa de la mierda. ni los 3 libros obligatorios que suman a $350 pa quien los compro nuevos. ya veo como se mueve la economia. yo pedi dos de los libros prestados.. el tercero ta jodon... no entiendo para qué sirve la distribucion normal de la mierda. tanto martillar a los numeros, tantas pruebas y consideraciones y presuposiciones y puntos de partida e hipotizaciones a la medidad de cada caso. what the fuck is any of this for. really, what does any of this tell me? la mierda esta era para ayer. is there a way out? i guess that if there is, this is not it. y ya no doy pa mas... clases.. mañana, a las 9:00... fuck...

tranquilidad. what is all of this? what does it mean to me, really? if i look a myself now, solo veo confusion y deseos con los cuales me halo en diferentes direcciones. la cama. terminar la vaina esta pa no quedar mal con la profe. dormir. terminar pa no parecer un burro. descansar. terminar pa no quemarme! pero no doy para mas, se me cierran los ojos. terminar, porque si lo dejo para despues, me meto en lo mismo... pero no. me tengo que salir. plan ahead. ask for help ahead of time. read ahead of time. shit. there is no time, right now, to do anything ahead of time. this is the end of it. re-evaluate the now so that it is more coherent with the immediate future? what now? right now, this future seems contradicting. motivation? escape? run from struggle? bring new struggle? avoid? work for peace. work for harmony. i am in this. i have chosen it. find the way to steer myself through... realistically, i don't know any of this crap. realistically, i will have to learn it to pass this course. realistically, i have to invest my time in this. discipline! fuck. that's it. bed now. one more excuse, tomorrow. don't show up tomorrow. stay up. finish. find it in you. see the sunrise. will i really finish, though? the sun may rise a million times... if i finish, will it be right? can i be certain, that it will be right? no. do i want it to be right? yes. i need help, somebody to help me out. these things are not under my own standards. i don't really see the use of these things. they don't really start a spark in me in order to figure them out. i don't really have what it takes to do this right now. will i ever? i can bring it. can i bring it now? yes. maybe. commune with the dead, read the book over and over. do i want to? no. i don't want. but i do. my mind is clearer now. 2:45 now. i will sleep now. good night to the world and the lights that never go off.