morning reflection

.MARTES 26 DE JULIO. 2005.

11.09.AM.

And so the sun rises and sets and comes up and out and in again and I walk to the horizon and find myself staring at myself through the eyes of some one else. and the breeze is ever constant caressing my body and thoughts and emotions that flutter up to the clouds and sink to the depths of my soul and across an ocean of memory and oblivion. And sounds of breath and of goodbye, a love with expiration date… really? Just go. And so the years go by and I am now fashioning 26, this is further than I’d ever imagined this existence to go, yet maybe ¼ of what I’d usually thought I’d live. And into oblivion we ride, past the veil of consciousness, to find ourselves again, entertaining different shapes and reminding ourselves of all we once and always forgot. And in search of ways and waves of traces of life and divine and energy slowing to a stop and a drudge and fudge, to take form and file and question all about. And my body drenched in sweat reminds me to live more, to think less, to live more in the world of actions, to descend. To bring all that I can into existence. And I am now between walls of choice and randomness of happening and thoughts of what could have been and what is not, for that is the only path thought ever takes… And what is just usually is, but can I really look into this? Can I really live here and now, in peace with what once was, in harmony with dissonant thought, absent from projecting all this unto what will be, clear enough to just be?

And so the moon’s wax spills on me in bursts of energy I can finally begin to understand, bringing life and joy and senses acute with increased sensibility and the possibility to go beyond. And I find myself holding on. Not sure why or what for, looking for the back door… but looking… not finding, not being… and so the floor cracks beneath me once again, no magic carpet … fly or die. And in the sky the waning starts, slowly, lovely… stretching itself onto me, helping diminish that which is of no further use... Why hold on. To live in time is to die. One day there will be a good bye. Will be is not is. So where am I now?